Spring has sprung

This past week has been eventful, to say the least. Each and every day never cease to amaze me. As fun as it all was I’ve had everything that could possibly go wrong, go wrong. That’s just the life of a Grubbs.

It all started when I woke up with a random swollen eye that grew more irritating as the day progressed. Man, I tell you what, I itched that son of a gun more than a grown man with a nasty rash. It was that bad. My step-dad and I went to the doctor because his face was swollen like a balloon and he had the urge to itch too. Turns out… we both had a severe case of poison ivy.

We were given medicine and told to do absolutely anything but scratch the infected areas, but honestly if you got a itch, whether you should or you shaint, you’re gunna itch it. I don’t care who you are, everyone itches the spot that they are told not to just to feel that moment of rebelliousness and pure pleasure. A good scratchin’ is the best cure to irritated itchin’ in my book. Makes sense don’t it?

Anyway, my folks threw a party over the weekend and a few of my friends came out and joined. To no surprise, midnight rolls around and my neighbor starts handin out bottle rockets. You want to know the perfect night for a redneck? A little moonshine, nice warm bonfire, hot dogs and s’mores, good company, and explosives. You add all that together, I reckon it’s going to be one heck of a night.

Oh, but as most of my stories go you already know there’s a downfall to this rambunxiousness cause this big ol’ klutz just can’t go a day without her own personal excitement. Let’s just say, that’s the last time I wear my nice camo hoody to a bonfire (or at all for that matter). Seeing as how it now has a big gaping hole in it from where I got hit with a bottle rocket and a spark caught my hoody on fire, I don’t think I’ll be wearing it to anything but bonfires now. It’s all fun and games ‘til someone catches on fire.

I have had such a good time reconnecting with old friends, living life to the fullest, and let’s face it... the most exciting thing was simply being off work for a week. Working at Wal-Mart has it’s ups and it’s downs (more downs than ups), but I must say going back into work after being off for a week did not go how I anticipated. I work in the deli, cutting meat and cheese and fryin’ up some good ‘ol heart achy chicken. One of those chickens being buffalo wings.

When buffalo wings get done frying you put them in a little bucket, pour the hot sauce in, and shake it vigorously. Now the wings are round 200 degrees at the point in which you are saucing them so leaving the lid on is probably not a common mistake. Me on the other hand, I am far from common. I get it all together and step away from the steaming bucket for a whole whopping 10 seconds and when I return to empty the wings into the hot case, it explodes all over me. Practically drenched in buffalo sauce, I’m beyond furious at that moment but stuck chuckling at my self stupidity. Luckily, only about 7 customers and all my coworkers saw it, so it’s not like I was embarrassed or anything (total sarcasm). Oh the perks of working at Wal-Mart.

Overall I truly am blessed for everything and everyone I have in my life and I honestly wouldn’t want my life any different than the way it is now. Unless I could opt out of school and go join Si Robertson on Duck Dynasty, then that’s a whole nother story. Like good ‘ol Si would say, “It is what it is, jack!”

Lessons Learned

What is the point in trying to be like someone else? Don’t we all want someone to love us for who we are and the things that make us that way? Over time, I have come to realize that there were things that Austin did not like about me that someone else will love. For example, he hated that I didn’t hunt. This “country girl” (raised in the city) is an animal lover; nonetheless, I was perfectly fine with him going hunting. I mean, it was his thing that he had grown up doing and enjoyed more than anything. For me, on the other hand, not so much. He would compare me to other girls that hunted all the time and never left Preble County. I wasn’t “country” enough for him anymore and I wasn’t about to change just to please him. I am who I am whether someone likes it or not. Someday, some guy will love me for everything that he didn’t. I refuse to change who I am to make someone else happy. I’m independent, out-spoken, and most definitely one of a kind. Lesson learned: Be your own person and be proud of it.


These days, good people are hard to come by, let alone good friends. Family on the other hand, and family friends, will always have your back no matter what. My mom has two best friends that I have known all of my life and they are like my friends. I can talk to them about anything and when they are around, I have a great time. I’ve noticed that when I hang out with the friends that I had while Austin and I were together, I think about him and all of our memories more than I should, and it’s hard to have a good time. When I hang out with my “old” friends (from my previous school where I spent 3^rd through 10^th grade), I don’t think about him at all and it’s just like the good old days. I had so much fun spending time with old friends this week and it made me realize that even when people change, some things don’t change (the real you). Lesson learned: Surround yourself with the right people.

 

I have learned the hard way time after time, to not believe what someone is telling you simply because it’s what you want to hear. Everyone lies. Promises aren’t kept and just set you up for disappointment. People change. Feelings change. There’s nothing you can do about it but accept it and move on. Don’t depend on anyone. That way, when they leave, nothing is really lost. Trust yourself to make the right decisions because nobody else will make them for you. Don’t let yourself get attached to people. Every single person that has walked into my life has walked right back out. After 18 years, you get used to being alone and being independent. Putting your trust in someone is the number one way to get hurt. Lesson learned: Trust no one. The less you care, the happier you’ll be.

When you find something that you are passionate about, it makes you happy or soothes you no matter what else is going on in your life. For me, riding my quad makes all my worries and struggles disappear. While I ride, I don’t really think about anything except the wind on my face and the vibration through my body. The rush of adrenaline takes me away. If I could ride every single day, I would, but this crazy Ohio weather makes it impossible. Every time we get even a hint of sunshine, I get anxious to ride then BAM! An hour later Mother Nature goes just kidding, here comes a blizzard and all hope for riding is long gone. Lesson learned: Find your passion and make time for it. Ohio weather blows!

Most importantly, no matter what happens, no matter how miserable you feel, no matter how much you want to give up, in three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life; it goes on.

Blogger's Block

What do you blog about when there is what seems like a million different thoughts, scrambling through your mind?

Oh blogger’s block, blogger’s block,

Why can’t I stop staring at this retched clock?

There’s so much to do, I have so much to say,

I feel like Mad Hatter, I just want to get away.

I’m losing my mind, I’m getting no sleep,

I lay in this bed, but count no sheep.

Should I write about the future, or the past that still haunts me,

I break from time to time, but there’s still hope I plea.

I feel lost in my words, nothing makes sense,

I stand so tall, yet I can’t climb this fence.

I could tell you how happy I am, filled with excitement and joy,

But I’m hurt and in pain, over some stupid boy.

It’s like a knife in my heart, the ache is so real,

He keeps turning the blade, I just don’t want to feel.

I tell myself I’ll be okay, it’s not as bad as it seems,

But how can I erase someone, who’s living in my dreams?

I’m filled with hatred, yet show endless love and care,

But how could you love someone, who isn’t even there?

I’m ready to let go, I want to move on,

This is my race now, I have the baton.

I will win this battle, I will fight this war,

Hope is of the essence, I will give up no more.

I’m strong and independent, tall is where I stand,

I’m the main event, and he’s just with the band.

I’m going to go places, further than the eye can see,

I’m ready to live my life now, I’m ready to just do me.

Growing up, whenever I could not figure out what I wanted to say or could not get my thoughts in order I would write poems that transformed into deep explanation as to what was really on my mind. I love writing poetry and feel so much better when I am done. I could continue to write for hours upon hours. The words just flow off my fingertips. Sometimes, when I read my poetry back to myself I rap it because that’s all rap is, poetry.

What do you do when you get blogger’s block?

Inspiration

Although this heart of mine has been through hell and back within the last couple of weeks, life decided to take a turn for the better when I got to experience my all-time favorite artist, P!nk, perform right before my eyes. P!nk has always been a huge inspiration to me and her songs have truly helped me get through some rough times in the past. Her carefree attitude is what I envy the most. She hasn’t always had it easy but she looks past her struggles and lives life every day to the fullest, simply doing whatever makes her happy and having fun. P!nk has taught me to be whoever I want to be and do whatever I want to do and to not give other people so much as even a second thought because no one else’s opinions matter but my own. Her music has helped me quite a bit through this break up, especially the song “So What,” which she performed while doing acrobats and flying all over the room. I am so extremely grateful to have gotten to see her perform live. It was the happiest I have been in a very long time.

P!nk’s tour is for her new album, “The Truth About Love.” Honestly, I was afraid a few of her songs might bring tears to my eyes seeing as how I’m simply a ball of emotions right now but it did just the opposite. Her songs are about being independent and never giving up, which is the key reason as to why I love her music so much. P!nk was very comical throughout her concert which was, of course to be expected, but I mean her humor was relatable and I loved it. Someone from the VIP section threw fuzzy pajama shorts on stage to her and she picked them up, held them to her waist, and told them that they weren’t getting those shorts back. It was absolutely hilarious. By the end of her concert I had the “screw it,” kind of attitude I had been longing for and it made me realize that P!nk and I would make the world’s best set of best friends anyone has ever seen and that making her realize that, as unrealistic as it is, would be a dream come true.

The concert ticket was my Christmas present from my amazing mother, who accompanied me at the concert along with our close friends, Lara and Eric. I was so happy to have my mom there with me to experience P!nk’s awesomeness. As you read in my last post, my mom is my best friend. I literally wish I could stuff her in my purse and take her everywhere I go. Lara and Eric have been my mom’s best friends for several years now and are like my second parents. They live in Columbus and have very exciting, fulfilling lifestyles so visiting them is always a blast. I am actually considering moving in with them for the summer to experience something new and different. I need change in my life and frankly, this town has become a real downer.

Anyway, things are getting better. My heart is healing slowly, but surely. I try my best to stay positive and tell myself that great things are coming my way. I break down now and then but I’m only human. Soon enough the carefree attitude will once again come back to me and happiness will no longer be questionable. Maybe then, P!nk and I can become best friends and do everything together. A crazy fan can dream, right? Although, I think my mom does quite an amazing job at filling the role of my best friend. It’s because of her I had such an amazing spring break.

Family is Key

I’m doing better. I’m getting used to the feeling that it’s all real. Don’t get me wrong, the intense pain in my heart is still there and stronger than ever but I’m growing accustomed to it. I know no one will ever be able to replace the fiery passion I had for him and the “first love” bond we shared but I also know that I can’t keep sitting around hoping that our paths will cross again. I’m letting go, I’m moving on. Trying to anyway...

To help keep my mind astray from the unpreventable, I went on a road trip to Florence, Kentucky to visit with my dad and brothers. My outgoing sense of humor stems from my father. He is obnoxiously loud in public and by far, the funniest person I know. When I was little, we would be pulling into a store and I remember telling him very clearly, “Alright dad, don’t embarrass me when we go in here.” He would chuckle to himself and promise me he wouldn’t. But wouldn’t you know it, as soon as we entered the store he’d randomly shout obnoxious things to embarrass me and although I couldn’t control my laughter my face would always turn blood shot red from utter humiliation. One time when we went to the dollar store he got in an "argument” with the clerk asking why everything wasn’t all ringing up a dollar if the title of the store clearly says dollar store. The clerk couldn’t tell whether to take his stupidity seriously or just laugh it off. Meanwhile, I’m just standing there laughing my butt off. I’m almost positive the clerk was scarred and told the story of the big, ignorant man questioning why everything in the dollar store wasn’t a dollar. Can you blame her?

Anyway, my brothers are my world. Although I don’t get to see them that often because they live with their mom and they can be big pains in the tush, I love them very much. Dylan is 14 and Jack is 10, so you can understand how those ages would explain the whole “pains in my tush part.” All jokes aside, my dad impregnated another woman after his divorce and I got to meet my new baby sister, Karrie Ann Grubbs. She is absolutely beautiful. Never in my life did I imagine I would ever have a sister, but hey, I got one now.

I had a great time visiting with my family and as much as I didn’t want to leave, duties call. So back home then off to Wal-Mart I went.

The one person that has been there for me every step of the way, who I couldn’t thank enough for everything that she has done, is my mom. She is my best friend, role model, inspiration, and therapist. She is what gets me through each and every day. I don’t know where I’d be or what I’d do without her. She is my rock. I love her with all my heart and just hope to be remotely close to such an amazing person and mom as she is someday. I could go on for days explaining all the wonderful things my mom does for me but I’m afraid after a while you will want to find her and claim her as your own to experience first-hand her awesomeness. Let me just tell you something, that ain’t happenin!

I am so blessed to have such a supportive, loving family that is always there for me. I can’t express enough my deep appreciation for them. I may have a unique family full of whack-jobs and crazy people but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. To the left is my step-dad, Randy, my aunt, Kelli, and my mom, Brenda. They have all helped me grow as a person and I couldn't be more thankful for having them to come home to everyday.

 

Do you have any crazy or “abnormal” family members? Feel free to share the bizarre stories that lie beneath the smiles of those in your family photos.