How could I possibly write something even remotely comical when the entirety of my heart has been shattered?
Never in my life have I had this rush of feelings completely take over every aspect of who I am. After two years of being with the one I considered my soul mate, my best friend, my everything, what I thought was absolutely impossible became the most painful, heart breaking thing I have ever experienced in my life. It has been four days since the break up and I have tried so extremely hard to keep him off my mind but it honestly feels like the absolute hardest, most challenging, mentally impossible thing I have ever had to overcome.
As days go by I can’t help but think about all the good times we had and how much I wish it wasn’t all coming to an end. I am trying to keep myself busy by going to work every day and then going out with old friends. As much as I want to have a good time right now and get my mind off things, every time something happens to me, my first reaction is to want to tell him all about it.
Last night was my first attempt at going out and having a good time, although, just my luck, it did not go as smoothly as I had imagined. For starters, an old friend who quickly turned into a persistent stalker would not leave me alone while I was trying to work. I literally had to sneak out the back just so he wouldn’t tag along when I went out with my friends. Once I got to the club, however, my chances for having a good time seemed to slowly get dimmer as time went on. I am what they would call a “clubbing virgin.” I have never been to a club before but in my mind, I had the whole “Footloose” image and expectation of what it would be like. You know, attractive young people dancing, smiling, laughing, and just having the best time of their life. Boy, was I wrong! Not only did it turn out to be a redneck fight club but I got beer spilt on me in the mix of it all. Least to say, I was not a happy camper. Shortly after that, an old man that reeked of alcohol followed me around for a good hour, doing one of the weirdest things one stranger could do to another – petting my hair! I was beyond freaked out and as funny as it was at first, it got old real fast. Can you say creeper?
Moral of the story, the luck that once brought such joy and happiness to my life has now vanished. I know that somehow, someway, new happiness will eventually find its way to me but for now, this unexpected turn of events is taking quite a toll on me.Have any advice for me? Please leave me a comment!
It's not easy to read stuff like this, but as always, you make things comical and enjoyable. That's a unique personality trait, Grubbs. You already know how I feel about the situation. It'll take time, but you'll be able to regain happiness (with or without, Austin). You're a good person, though.
ReplyDeleteHOWEVER, I do think you should avoid watching brawls in a redneck fight clubs and weird, old men with a hair fetishes LOL.
in redneck fight clubs*
DeleteWhen I was going through a hard break up I felt absolutely crazy. I could not stop thinking about him or calling him. I cried for literally days and I felt like I had to hide my sadness from everyone. I believe that this was my biggest mistake.
ReplyDeleteThe best advice I can give is to embrace that you are upset and give yourself new goals to achieve. As Stew said, you will find happiness. Once you hit what feels like rock bottom, the only point you can go from there is up.
This is a really wonderful, intimate and funny post (at all the right points). This is written so well - I really liked it. I don't think I could be near as open and honest about something like this. Awesome post. But I was really expecting that creeper to end up with a black eye or something.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry to hear this.
ReplyDeleteI think you're doing the right thing by trying to keep busy, but maybe clubbing isn't your "thing." However, what better timing than now to find what your "thing" is! Take time for yourself and figure out what makes YOU happy. I know it's hard to get out of old habits, such as wanting to tell him about things that happen to you first, but try forming new habits, such as keeping a journal or texting another friend.
I agree with Jennifer, let yourself be upset, don't bottle up your emotions and give yourself time. It has also been proven that hugging and eating chicken noodle soup will make you feel better.
You're right that somehow, someway happiness will find you. Just keep faith and take things one day at a time.
It always sucks to get out of a relationship that you've been in for a long time. Its like, "now what do I do with all my time?". I actually am I complete freak and secretly admire deeply the raw feeling of heartbreak. My advice is to embrace it. You are exposed at this point in time and at these exact times is where I find me at my greatest potential. I believe the best writing is done with a broken heart. I'm definitely with Whitney on the journal thing. Or playing music, if you do that. It gets easier, keep your head up girl.
ReplyDeleteAlex, I've been there and it sucks. It does feel like your world is ending. The beauty is that you will ultimately end up even stronger and more amazing through this. Pain has a way of refining us, building us up and improving us. It is terrible while you're going through it, but on the other side you will look back and say "hmmm, maybe I needed that experience to learn X, Y and Z." Also, many times these breakups and heartbreaks are the stepping stones that life gives us to find our path to an even better life - one so amazing you can't even yet imagine it. I love you and I know you'll get through this time with your family, your friends and most of all YOUR inner strength and character! xoxo
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