Symptoms of a Broken Heart

This past week has been an absolute roller coaster. As you know from my previous post, the love of my life, after two years, introduced me to what it feels like to be heart broken.

Symptom one – Starvation. I can’t eat! I’m going on 32 hours as of right now without having ate a single bite of anything! Of course, my stomach hurts but the pain from my heart hurts even worse. My appetite has left the building and I have no clue when it’ll ever come back.

Symptom two – Excessive tears. I cannot stop crying to save my life. Everywhere I go, no matter what I do, I can’t help but tear up. Living your day-to-day life with someone for two years makes it pretty hard to find anything at all that doesn’t constantly remind you of them. This may sound pathetic but I started tearing up when I was frying food at work, because it reminded me of how his grandma would always fry her food and how I practically lived there and ate that greasy, yummy food every night. Or when I was at The Yellow Rose (country club and bar) two days ago, we started playing pool and I randomly started to cry because I couldn’t help but remember the last time I had played pool with Austin and beat him like 4 times in a row. Anyway, as of right now, consider me a delicate vase for at any given moment I can assure you, I will bust out some tears. This brokenhearted girl doesn’t need any onions to cry!

Symptom three – Fear of letting go. I want to talk to him SO bad! It is killing me. I want to tell him everything I have done and where I am at every moment of the day. I want to ask him about his day and what all he has done. I want him to tell me he loves me and wants me back in his life. Which leads me to symptom number four…

 Symptom four – Fantasy life. No matter what I think about before I go to bed, I always end up dreaming about him in one way or another. Last night I dreamt that he came back to me, begging me to take him back because no other girl could ever compare to me and I was his one and only. He told me he was a fool for letting me go and that he really did want to live happily ever after with me. Sadly, that dream fell short when I woke up and checked my phone to discover no new messages.

 Symptom five – Intense stalker syndrome. I have turned into a stalker... I can’t help but want to know everything he is doing and where he is at and who he is with. For the past two years, I knew the answers to all of those questions but in the blink of an eye, his life became a blur to me. It is as if we are on Facebook and he blocked me from accessing his life. It sucks and I can’t seem to get used to that feeling. Thank goodness for the internet. A quick youtube search is all it takes to find the best “stalker strategy videos.”

 Simply put, my everyday way of life has changed quite a bit. I feel like my entire world has flipped upside down. Wouldn't it be nice if each and every individual was assigned their own warning label, allowing the victim of love to understand the consequences and symptoms of possible heart break?

The Unexpected

How could I possibly write something even remotely comical when the entirety of my heart has been shattered?

Never in my life have I had this rush of feelings completely take over every aspect of who I am. After two years of being with the one I considered my soul mate, my best friend, my everything, what I thought was absolutely impossible became the most painful, heart breaking thing I have ever experienced in my life. It has been four days since the break up and I have tried so extremely hard to keep him off my mind but it honestly feels like  the absolute hardest, most challenging, mentally impossible thing I have ever had to overcome.

As days go by I can’t help but think about all the good times we had and how much I wish it wasn’t all coming to an end. I am trying to keep myself busy by going to work every day and then going out with old friends. As much as I want to have a good time right now and get my mind off things, every time something happens to me, my first reaction is to want to tell him all about it.

Last night was my first attempt at going out and having a good time, although, just my luck, it did not go as smoothly as I had imagined. For starters, an old friend who quickly turned into a persistent stalker would not leave me alone while I was trying to work. I literally had to sneak out the back just so he wouldn’t tag along when I went out with my friends. Once I got to the club, however, my chances for having a good time seemed to slowly get dimmer as time went on. I am what they would call a “clubbing virgin.” I have never been to a club before but in my mind, I had the whole “Footloose” image and expectation of what it would be like. You know, attractive young people dancing, smiling, laughing, and just having the best time of their life. Boy, was I wrong! Not only did it turn out to be a redneck fight club but I got beer spilt on me in the mix of it all. Least to say, I was not a happy camper. Shortly after that, an old man that reeked of alcohol followed me around for a good hour, doing one of the weirdest things one stranger could do to another – petting my hair! I was beyond freaked out and as funny as it was at first, it got old real fast. Can you say creeper?

Moral of the story, the luck that once brought such joy and happiness to my life has now vanished. I know that somehow, someway, new happiness will eventually find its way to me but for now, this unexpected turn of events is taking quite a toll on me.
Have any advice for me? Please leave me a comment!